All is fair in love and war

This is kind of a spin off of the Alicia Keys and Swizz beats. I was listening to the Steve Harvey morning show and there was a strawberry letter about a woman who is in love with her husband's best friend. Chris Rock was the co-host and while I think that the entire situation sucks, he made a few very valid points. The first of which if someone is going to do something like this then it had better work, meaning the person has to be the one and you can't help who you fall in love with. He went on to say that there will be serious repercussions but if the couple remains together for a very long that people will forget. His example was a celebrity who divorced his wife and married the nanny and then remained married to the nanny for twenty years which was longer than the first marriage.

I think that it's gross and I don't think that I have it in me to ever hurt my husband like that .....but it happens to people everyday. My husband's best friend is family. I don't even think of him like that.

Is all really fair in love and war? What are your thoughts?

to me its one thing if u HAPPEN to fall in love with someone who is married and there is nothing you can do with the matters of the heart especially when you dnt want to. But its another when you just know better but CHOOSE to not to...that is the disgust, example lol Kim from housewives atlanta....like she str8 out said, she had no problem being with a married man....but yet wanted a ring? like how do you not care about if not his commitment to his wife at least her commitment to him and their family but you want your own with him? that BOGGLES my mind like no other. I mean there are exceptions to EVERY rule in life...the man marrying his nanny after leaving the wife and staying married longer is probably a rose in the concrete, it doesnt happen often. Im sure ppl marry ppl that they were never meant to marry in the first place and then LOVE comes along in a situation that you NEVER EVER expected, what do you do with that? One can say there is a better way to do everything and cheating on one and hurting one to be with another is never a good thing, but what do you do when you feel u have found something? i will say, it makes for good radio or t.v lol

I saw that episode and was so disgusted. I think that she is very naive.

Do you think it matters to the person who is being hurt? I don't think that the details matter. I don't think that the person who is being cheated on will care if their mate hasn't moved forward with the other relationship. I think that they will be hurt either way. To know that you love someone who is married to you but in love with someone else is a painful thing.

I don't get how people can be so selfish but on the other hand I know that it must be hard to stay with someone that you don't love when there is someone out there who you truly love. I mean someone has to get hurt.

As the married person you should remove yourself from a situation where "FEELINGS" are starting to develop. YOUR MARRIAGE COMES FIRST.

Also, if you would allow yourself to get into a situation to fall in love with another...that was something that should have been worked on long before it happend....because....IT JUST DON"T HAPPEN INSTANTLY!!!
THere were something going on previously...someone stop loving someone and it should have been discussed or taken care of instead of waiting to another came along...to me thats a sorry way out....

what you are you doing there is holding on to your wife/husband til something NEW comes along....BULLSHIT!!

i dont think alot off ppl stay married until "smthg new comes along" i think there are many many reasons as too why some ppl stay even after they dont feel the same. They might be hoping to fix things and in the midst of that....another person does come along. Humans are humans...and matters of the heart are smthg that is hard to control and or ignore. Some situations to me are not called for judgement and looked at as bullshit...its messed up that somthing to that magnitude had to happen but again humans are humans and things are going to be done that is going to hurt someone else. On the flip side there are those that IN FACE IS bullshit and a hot mess all the way through. I dont necc. think that the act of falling in love is a selfish thing...the way the person may handle it....perhaps bc no one creates the time of which things will happen...but as you said, someone is always going to be hurt and thats just the way life is

BULLSHIT!!

If you are hoping to fix it and someone comes along....you were never serious about FIXING IT!!!
And I agree HUMANS are HUMANS and some of those humans and some of those humas look at their marriage SERIOUSLY!!

Just because a new person comes along does not give you the RIGHT to DESTROY your wife/husband. Always remember new things are just that NEW and they will not stay NEW forever. Everything NEW feels good and nice...then it gets old and you want that NEW feeling again!

I honestly think that some should never get married...if you have it in you to hurt someone like that...don't ever get married .....ALSO....

If I know that you have HURT someone like that...why in the FUCK would I believe that you wouldn't do it to me with my NEWNESS wears off

And with this "MATTER OF THE HEART"....a married man or woman should know that they can't give their heart. They know their heart belongs to their husband/wife. They should know that they shouldn't put themselves in a situation where they could fall for someone else. It doesnt' happen INSTANTLY....it happens over time and you know when its happening so REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION!!!

THat came from a married mans prospective

Times have changed and it may not seem right and in all honestly it's not right. It 100% wrong. But now a days a lot of people just dont care about the other's person feelings, only their own. And even if they really did care, their feelings wont stop them from doing what they want to do to keep their selves happy. As far as the saying all is fair in love and war, it's not true because in reality it's not fair, but nothing in life is fair.

Maybe its just me but I couldn't HURT another person that way cause I wouldn't want to be HURT that way and like they say....

WHAT GOES AROUND....COMES AROUND!!!

Earl, I hear you and I agree. But this is not a perfect world and there are some very selfish people in it.

I have lived this. I was the wife and my ex husband cheated on me with his son's mom. Their rationale was that they were in love. I think that if I didn't have my kids that I would be in jail right now. I was beyond hurt and crushed and they couldn't understand my rage...because they were 'in love'. Fast forward six years...I am remarried and blissfully happy. My ex is still single and still messes around with his son's mom when the mood strikes...it wasn't love in their case...it was lust. I had to be hurt to leave him. It had to happen....FOR ME.

I love my husband. With all of my heart I love him. When he hurts I hurt so I could never do him like that. I don't have it in me to do anyone like that because I am not a selfish person.

I would never willingly put myself in a situation to become involved with another man. I don't think that I have it in me to love someone else because I love him so much.

This does happen, it's not right but it happens.

I don't know if I can touch this topic right now....I'll come back later.

Divine wrote:Earl, I hear you and I agree. But this is not a perfect world and there are some very selfish people in it.

I have lived this. I was the wife and my ex husband cheated on me with his son's mom. Their rationale was that they were in love. I think that if I didn't have my kids that I would be in jail right now. I was beyond hurt and crushed and they couldn't understand my rage...because they were 'in love'. Fast forward six years...I am remarried and blissfully happy. My ex is still single and still messes around with his son's mom when the mood strikes...it wasn't love in their case...it was lust. I had to be hurt to leave him. It had to happen....FOR ME.

I love my husband. With all of my heart I love him. When he hurts I hurt so I could never do him like that. I don't have it in me to do anyone like that because I am not a selfish person.

I would never willingly put myself in a situation to become involved with another man. I don't think that I have it in me to love someone else because I love him so much.

This does happen, it's not right but it happens.

Being married for longer than most of you people on this board have been ALIVE..I've been in a few situations where something COULD have developed...but I think GOD gave me something useful...its called a BRAIN.

You know when feelings are starting to develop....you know when someone is feeling you....you know WHEN to remove yourself from the situation for the sake of your marriage and for the sake of your spouse.

Yes you can take the easy road and go with the new thing but i'm like this.....I know who has been there for me and I know who WILL be there for me NO MATTER WHAT!! Thats all I need.

I've known pain in my life and GOD knows I wouldn't want to make someone HURT as bad as I have HURT!!!!

Earl...Earl....Earl.. your response brought tears to my eyes.

I had a very good life before I married my husband. I had a career, nice home, beautiful kids and anything materially that I wanted.

My husband has given me so much more than I ever had. He has given my children the gift of me. I am able to devote all of my talents and gifts to them first. I've always considered myself to be a good mom but I am better than I ever thought that I could be. I could never repay him for that...ever.

My heart swells when I think about it and for that one reason and many others that I won't get into....I feel so indebted to him. I could NEVER hurt him. I love him too much. I love what we have. Kids, crazy ex's and all. I love our life together.

But

There are people who have no clue about what real love is....like I wrote earlier they are selfish.

Exactly!!

If you know somebody is there for you FOR LIFE...why in the hell would you want to screw that up.

I don't think some understand what "FOR LIFE" really means. It means that she may be nice and cute and her breast and real perky now...but after some years its not the same but do u love her for her looks or do u love her for who she is? LOVE FOR LIFE

He had that "GOOD HAIR" and was FYNE...nice car and nice job but over time he lost it all and just one bald, pot belly man....did u marry him for his hair or for HIM??

After 26 years of marriage my wife is as beautiful as the day I met her. No one could tell me different. She has a beautiful soul and spirit. She is the most kind and sweetest woman I've ever met. She treats me like a KING! A KING I said....I respect, and trust her 100%

We try to spend alot of time together...we go EVERYWHERE together and do everything together. We still hold hands we we are out. We still kiss before we go to bed, we go to bed TOGETHER every night.

Why would I mess all this up for someone that I have no CLUE would be there for me?? Why would I take that chance??

People think there is something better out there for them when they have no IDEA that the best thing for them is RIGHT there at home!!!!

I'm happy for you Earl and Divine.