The Woman's Place

again...thats not what im refering too...im not saying a womens "place" is in the kitchen...and a man is in hte work place...a women can work and have her own as well and still have the man be the leader..that doesnt make a women weak or a man "better" than her. I do believe that it does have to do with defenses bc i think ppl have misconstrued (sp) idea's as too what that means. It has nothing to do with being less than whatsoever. In everything in life there is a role and a title and a place of which a person has to assert...an associate in a retail shop has no "place" doing what the managers do...its the responsiblites its everything...i see no different in relationships...ppl want to think its different but its not...its the word that gets ppl worked up.

i do have to say i agree with divine, if there are roles people take on within the relationship it should be based on their strengths and personality and not gender. when my ex and i were together, everytime i spent the night at his house, he'd cook because hes a better cook than i am... i think that only make sense lol

and thats the point...its the same as calling it place...like i had said before....if the women is more at something than she is MORE at something...not the man. A man can be submissive to a man also its not just the women to a man...again thats the misconpetion to the word that ppl have

i guess i dont understand why the man HAS to be the leader just because he is a man. i feel if that works for YOU than so be it, but it doesnt work for everyone. there are some couples that what works for them is the woman assuming the leadership position and there are some couples that make all decisions together and believe in sharing the leadership(as im asuming that is what is working for earl). everyone is different and shouldnt be pigeonhold into a position based on what is in between their legs. i can speak for myself and say the WORDS submissive or place dont get me worked up at all, it is the expectation that because i am a woman i have to take on a certain role that may not even suit my personality or lifestyle.

hmmm maybe i am just misunderstanding u. especially from the way ur first post was written it seems as if you were saying the man should be the leader and based on gender a woman has a different place in the relationship than a man and that both people cant take the driver seat(or somthing to that effect). if that was what you were saying i disagree because i feel everyone is different and i feel some couples are able to share the leadership and not have distinct roles and that works for them. if that wasnt what you were saying then i digress and i simply misunderstood you.

I am saying that but like in a sense that things can work both ways....For ME in paticular i do feel that a man is the leader...i believe in letting the man take the driver seat but guess what im there NEXT to him (not behind) giving direction lol....nad there are going to be times where i can drive and he can take the passenger seat in certain situations...but all in all he is the one holding down the fort. i personally dont see how 2 ppl can drive anything it seems impossible there is always going to be someone that is more of something that will steer things better. There is nothing wrong with that. The reason i believe in letting the man be the leader is honestly GOD....thats how he has....but please believe that GOD in no way feels like a man bc of that should hold his wife behind him or underneath him bc "HE IS MAN"...no he says love your wife as you love the LORD....as you love the church....which to me says tremoundous things. But i also say that the roles can be reversered as well...if that is what is working...but the foundation of everything that i am saying is that...there is always going to be a leader in a relationship or in everything else...and there is nothing to it

ok, i just disagree. i believe there are couples able to co pilot and it works for them. i dont believe having a distict leader in a relationship works for everyone and on a personal note i dont feel that will work for me. i also feel there is a huge difference between equally spliting responsibilities based on ability and strengths than there being a distinct leader and every now and again the "passenger" gets to put in his/her 2 cents... the concept of a leader works for a lot of relationships, but not every relationship. just my oppinion.

ok....and i feel that when in a relationship there is going to be a pilot (2use ur example) and a co-piolt...but the main thing is...they are flying to together bc they are one...

I get what you're saying, shad, and it makes sense to me. But I also get what stesha is saying....so yeah, I'm on the fence, as usual lol.

To me, a relationship is about having equality, BUT, it is true that it won't be 100% equal. I like stesha's statement saying that an ex cooked b/c he was better at it. I'm the same way. If I'm better at managing finances, I'LL handle the money, but it's still OURS. If you're better at cleaning, don't expect a spot-free home if I were to do it. I do feel that as long as each partner is putting in 100% in the relationship, then it will be equal.

and i agree there is nothing wrong with that....but im not really talking about "tasks" like a women in the kitchen type stuff...its the mindset and the core of the realtionship that im talking about...leadership isnt about "task" its the person that makes the word possible. Its fine if the women is hte leader if that what is calls for in that relationship....but there will be one...you cant get past that no matter how one may feel bc thats life and that is how it operates...the point is that you do it together. A leader is not a dictator

OH. Ok, I see where you're coming from. Speaking from my own POV, I am a very independent person and like to do things and handle things my way because I'm used to being on my own. However, I do believe in letting a man be the man in the relationship IF HE DESERVES IT. Men have macho attitudes by nature and have the need to feel "big and bad" and "I run this." Fine. I'll let you feel that way....but we all know deep down who really runs the show lol.

exactly and thats how i feel as well...letting the man be the man...and that is a man 90% of the time...there are some men who dont operate that way and dont mind taking the passenger side. But bc of that that doesnt make you weak or less than. "The man may wear the pants in the relationship but the women controls the zipper" lol

example of when things are not done in sync with each and not having the man be the man...is Jon and kate...that women takes that dudes man hood each and every day while they were together....and its never a good thing to take that from them

I LIKE that saying!!!! I'm gonna have to print it out and post it on my apartment door or something lmao.

lol yes indeed let them busters know lol....in big fat bold letters...make sure it takes up your whole door lol